She Finally Got a Prom Date — A Pastor's Son Who Proceeded to Ruin Everything

The Setup: A Preacher's Kid and a Mother's Dream

Senior year, no boyfriend, no prom date, and a mother who would not let it go. Our storyteller had planned to just roll with her girlfriends and call it a night — until a friend on a field trip held up a flip phone with a photo of a seventeen-year-old with abs that could only be described as biblical. His name was Christian. He was a pastor's son. That detail alone sent her mother into a full praise dance in the kitchen. Within a single phone call that stretched from 9 p.m. until the birds started chirping, Christian had already dropped the L-word. She said it back. They were officially a couple, and she had her prom date. Everyone was happy. That should have been the warning.

First Impressions: Tongue on the Front Lawn, Hennessy in the Kitchen

The first time she saw Christian in person, he greeted her with a full kiss on the front lawn before she could even say hello. That was jarring enough. But when the family eventually gathered in the kitchen, she noticed everyone passing around a two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew. She took a sip and immediately recognized the smell — her grandfather's drink of choice. The pastor's entire family was mixing Hennessy into soda and passing it around like communion. This was also the household where April — Christian's ex — was essentially a beloved congregation member, since she'd been the tenth person in their ten-person church. Every visit, someone was wishing April was still around. The ex's ghost haunted every room.

“I picked up the little rock and I went to go see my man.”

— the storyteller, after Christian's promposal

The Escalation: Lap Dances, Promposals, and Coercion

Things moved fast and got worse faster. Christian hinted at proposing before he left for the Navy. He asked her dad for fifty dollars to buy a tie for prom. He went to his own prom — with April — while she sat home refreshing Facebook, only to find a photo of his abs giving his ex a lap dance in a limo. She commented 'wow' with approximately 1,700 O's. He deleted the photo and played dumb. Then he showed up at her house with a homemade promposal using rocks in the yard, and she — being seventeen and in her feelings — picked up the little 'yes' pebble and took him back. Days before her prom, he called her from his house with April in the background and asked point-blank whether they were going to have sex, because April was right there and it was hard to say no. She told him to go ahead and do it, then hung up and cried herself to sleep. Her mother, informed of all of this, still made her go to prom with Christian. Not Chris — the sweet football player from her own school who had already agreed to come. Christian.

“I never want to get pushed on the swing again. He ruined swings for me.”

— the storyteller, reflecting on their summer together

Prom Night: The Shirt Comes Off, the Night Falls Apart

She arrived in a stretch Navigator limo, dress perfect, mood complicated, with both Christian and Chris somehow in the vehicle because she had invited Chris before her mother overruled everything. Christian's family had eaten all the food at her house beforehand. The guys in the limo couldn't cover a seventy-five dollar tip between them, so she paid it herself. At the actual prom, things briefly improved — dancing, hugging teachers, a real moment. Then she stepped away for five minutes to catch up with a friend. She came back to a murmur rippling through the room. Christian had removed his jacket, his shirt, tied his tie around his head, and was swinging his belt like a lasso while screaming. The football coach chased him through the venue. She hid on a balcony behind a pillar and cried. Later, in the hotel room her parents had booked for her and her girlfriends for a Cedar Point trip the next morning, Christian knocked on the door without a shirt and made it very clear what he thought the room was for. She told him to leave. He kept moving closer. She was genuinely scared — until her friend Allie walked in with a cousin and shut it down.

“I went to my profile and changed it from it's complicated to she's single.”

— the storyteller, on making the breakup official

The Ending: A College Party, a Mutual Friend, and a Facebook Update

Christian showed up to her graduation in his father's ill-fitting shirt and then unbuttoned it at Olive Garden to show off his Burberry label while her grandmother watched in horror. They limped along through the summer — she paid for dates, he pushed her on swings at the park, and he used the Navy deployment to pressure her into a sexual act she immediately regretted, stranded in a locked park after 9 p.m. and apologizing to God. He was then disinvited from his own going-away party because April was there. She mailed him a letter anyway, just in case. On the first day of college, a girl named Johnny at a dorm party told a story about a charming light-skinned guy who'd leaned out of a Toyota Corolla, said her legs were sexy, taken her to meet his family who were all drinking from the same Mountain Dew bottle, and put her in a hammock while telling her he'd never felt this way before — he'd been in love, he knew what it felt like. Same line. Word for word. Our storyteller confirmed she knew the guy. She confirmed they weren't together. She went home and cried. A few weeks later, Christian called from basic training, she confronted him about Johnny, and she was done. She changed her Facebook status to single. He cycled through his within minutes — single, then in a relationship with Ashley. She met a new boy named Donovan the next day. The end.

Some red flags come dressed in church clothes and abs, and the people who should protect you are sometimes too dazzled by the pastor title to see straight. Trust the knot in your stomach — it's smarter than a promposal.

Questions people ask

What did the pastor's son do at prom?

He removed his shirt and jacket mid-prom, tied his tie around his head, and swung his belt around while yelling, prompting the football coach to chase him through the venue.

Did the pastor's son go to the military?

Yes, Christian enlisted in the Navy and left at the end of the summer, using the deployment to pressure her into sexual activity before he left.

What happened with April and Christian?

April was Christian's ex-girlfriend who attended his family's small church. He took her to his own prom, had her over while dating our storyteller, and was using the same romantic script on other girls simultaneously.